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Hashtag Prom Two Kay Fourteen

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promhaley

By Haley Yates

Twitter knows it. Instagram knows it. Even ancient old man Facebook knows it. Hashtag Senior Prom Two Kay Fourteen is here. Time to whip out your best concealer and your $200 prom shoes – the ones you bought last February.

Prom is an important day for every teenager, and it isn’t the sweaty dancing and disco lights that make it special. It’s the hours spent trying to curl Jenny’s pin straight hair, even though when we tried at Homecoming, it turned into a sloppy updo.

It’s the tears streaming down your face as Kelly’s mom tries to smoosh all 16 girls and 17 boys (there’s always that one dude who’s date “couldn’t make it”) into a single photo and the “ah-ma-gad my shoes are killing me right now” moments.

It’s the sweaty mascara smudged t-shirt that you wake up in the morning after prom in your best friend’s bathtub wearing the prom queen’s crown and someone else’s shoes – that’s what Prom is all about.

So for the underclassmen who don’t get what all the prom hype is about, let me break it down for you.

Senior Skip Day

Senior Skip Day is a long held tradition at RHS. The Friday before prom, senior girls take the day to pamper themselves getting their nails done and making sure their skin is Beach Babe Brown and not Glowing Goddess Gold (those punks at Palm Beach Tan always get my complexion wrong). I’m not totally sure why the guys need the day off, but I’m assuming its to prepare themselves for after prom shenanigans. Or maybe they’re at the zoo bunjee jumping cause that’s what I’d do with my day off.

Before the Dance

Prom clans make a point to meet up unnecessarily early (yeah, dinner isn’t until 8, but we need everyone there at 4) to count, and then recount, and then count again to make sure EVERYONE is there when the limo arrives at 7 for pickup. Don’t worry though, Judy’s mom made snacks and there’s extra eyeliner in the bathroom for the girls who sweat theirs off waiting around outside.

At the Dance

The dance itself is the most unimportant part of the night. Couples take pictures with the guy’s hands awkwardly placed on the chick’s hips, and mobs of girls in identical mermaid gowns grab each other’s butts and smile for their new profile pics. Everyone eats the crappy banquet food and the girls gush over each other’s dresses – even though they secretly think theirs is the prettiest. Every dance requires a full hour of sweaty grinding to “Miss New Booty” and “Don’t Drop that Thun Thun Thun” followed by the Traditional “Cupid’s Shuffle” and “Electric Slide.”

After the Dance

After prom (12am – 4am) is designated Turn Up Time. White girls and their preppy dates flock to lake houses across the metroplex. Parents lock their vodka handles in their closets and double check their smoke detectors.

If there is a pool nearby, somebody will end up in it within the first hour of Turn Up Time. Bottom line – this is really the time everyone looks forward to. Only the realest of real live to tell about that one time the prom king showed up in a panda suit and barfed all over the coffee table.

So, kiddos, if you’re going to prom remember to be safe, and please keep the grinding to a minimum. Or don’t. I’m sure Bruner and Curry will love seeing that. If your time to prom has yet to come, take this night to pray to the stars for all those seniors out there tonight twerking and SKA-ing the night away.

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Hashtag Prom Two Kay Fourteen