New Year’s Eve is the night where everyone vows to never ______ again, or to stop ______ing or to ______ less. Even though we all high five about it when the ball drops, turning over a new leaf doesn’t stem from the motivation you get from one foggy night of making up new rules to commemorate a new you. I’m going to start exercising more This resolution only works if you already work out on a regular basis. If you’re like me and do absolutely nothing fitness related – at all – and never really have, it’s very unlikely a new year will motivate you to start running a mile a day. I’m going to read more Same idea here. If you don’t already read regularly in your free time and quote lines from Hemingway to your friends, you probably won’t soon adore Bukowski or automatically turn into the librarian’s BFF after finishing the last Hunger Games book – finally. I’m going to eat healthier Almost everyone i know has told me at least once that they are going to start eating healthier come the new year. Nearly all of them ended up scarfing down a box of chocolates with no shame when February rolled around. Let’s be honest here folks, good food exists so you can eat it, and denying yourself the pleasure of Doritos and Easy Mac is almost worse than forcing yourself to eat brussel sprouts and cabbage. I’m going to stop chasing after so-and-so and enjoy the single life While this is a good resolution to have, if you think you might be on the verge of stalking this guy you’ve had a crush on for two years, we all know you’ll still be fantasizing about all the ways he will ask you to Homecoming next year, and that’s ok. He’s probably doing the same thing with some other girl. I’m going to start chasing after so-and-so because the single life sucks You do that, and report back to us next New Year. I’m going to get out more In reality, the people who have to resolve to become more social are the people who would prefer to stay in bed watching Netflix where they belong. Plus, I hear they’re adding Breakfast at Tiffany’s, so why would you even want to go out? I’m going to go out less and spend more time with my family Let’s be real here. The second your mom starts nagging you to clean your room you’re going to be wishing you were out with your friends. I’m going to stop wasting my time on social media and actually do my homework this year This will last until the first day we go back to school and your teacher hands you a stack of Cornell notes. Helloooo Twitter.