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After Thanksgiving, the air begins to smell like mint and Santa’s rosy cheeks and beady eyes pop up all around you – on coffee mugs, umbrellas, scented lotions, paper towels, and anything else marketing directors think will get a kick out of little old ladies who love Christmas-themed crap. Little gingerbread men stare at you through cardboard boxes with their spirited little eyes, sword-like candy canes in hand ready to pressure you into buying ornaments you really don’t need.
The pre-chrismahannukwanzakuh season is by far the most stressful because the media creates massive pressure for you to buy everyone a gift that will make you seem super-freakin’ cool. Even if you don’t like your best friend’s boyfriend’s cousin, if you don’t get her at least a vintage-looking snow globe she’ll think your a cold, heartless witch.
So, here’s the big question – If Etsy is flat out of vintage looking snow globes, where’s the hope in finding something mega-rad in less than a day?
Right here, ladies and gentlemen, right here.
I consider myself an expert in last-minute, cheap-gift giving. One year I forgot to buy my friend a birthday present. Staying calm and focused, I bought some ready-made cookies from Tom Thumb and taped army men and stickers to it – she loved it.
Even if you’re not convinced by my last-minute, poorly thought-out solution, you’re left with very little time and few options. Also, you can always use these ideas for future birthday or Valentine’s day gifts.
Gifts for your friends:
For your single friend
http://www.awesomeinventions.com/shop/boyfriend-pillow/
Got a friend who won’t stop complaining about how sucky the single life is? Shut her up with this almost realistic boyfriend pillow. It’s like setting her up with someone, but without all the work of picking through your guy friends. Plus, she’ll feel secure knowing he can’t bail on the date halfway through.
For your gay friend
http://www.amazon.com/Bi-Curious-George-Unauthorized-Andrew-Simonian/dp/1604332832/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1387746608&sr=1-1&keywords=bicurious+george
Who knows? Maybe George can teach him a few things.
For your friend who always loses his phone
http://www.etsy.com/listing/129190028/30off-creative-2-in-1-cute-blue-shoes?ref=br_feed_19&br_feed_tlp=gifts
This is perfect for people who are always losing their phones. Now when you call your phone it’ll come running back (theoretically).
For your Grammar Nazi friends
http://http//www.amazon.com/Judge-When-Poor-Grammar-Disconcerting/dp/0312533012/ref=pd_ys_sf_s_283155_b1_11_p?ie=UTF8&refRID=08A4DP2SEZQ5RTV0T4K3
This book goes out to all of your judgmental friends. Though you’d never say it to their face, they need this book so they can stop correcting your misuse of your’e* and start laughing at other people’s screw-ups.
For your “Mean Girls” fangirl friends
http://http//www.etsy.com/listing/155196469/mean-girls-assorted-engraved-pencil-set?ref=br_feed_3&br_feed_tlp=gifts
Now your friends can stop quoting “Mean Girls” every five seconds and instead maybe use these pencils to write them down and continue to fangirl nonverbally – a gift for everyone, really.
Gifts for a secret Santa, awkward cousins, or kinda-friends-but-really-more-acquaintances-who-you-feel-obligated-to-buy-gifts-for friends
For any female
http://http//www.etsy.com/listing/61352646/chapstick-lip-balm-cozies-key-ring-you?ref=br_feed_18&br_feed_tlp=gifts
Since every girl on the planet has at one time suffered from chapped lips (girls are not flawless creatures with perfectly moisturized lips unbeknownst to most), why not get them a little sleeping bag to stick their Blistex in? Totally practical, and cute.
For anybody with feet
http://http//www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?id=29545233&parentid=SHOP_STOCKINGSTUFFERS
SOCKS! This is by far the best go-to gift when you have no idea what to get somebody. Everyone (excluding Mr. Yarborough) wears them, right? Not to mention socks are super-cheap and it’s easy to find funny, cute or weird ones.
For any family member who recently had a baby
http://http//www.awesomeinventions.com/shop/baby-carrying-jacket/
Because it’s easier to get stuff done when there’s a baby enclosed in your chest. Plus, the baby in the picture looks so happy. Don’t you want to make your new baby cousin just as happy as this one? I think you do.
If none of these ideas appeal to you, or you don’t want to pay an extra $30 for instant delivery, here’s your plan of attack.
Bake something.
Everyone loves baked goods, as long as you don’t mess with the recipe. Or just buy ready-made cookies and put them in some tupperware. It’s literally impossible to screw that up.
Dollar Store gifts, man.
Nobody wants to be the one caught shopping at the Dollar Store Christmas day frantically picking through what’s left of the holiday calendars. But hey, when push comes to shove, if there are absolutely no seasonal calendars left, everybody likes silly stickers and temporary tattoos. Everyone. I promise.
Home-made gifts.
Unless you’re in the Art Magnet, or you possess some sort of creative hidden talent, this option is probably not your best bet. Trust me, I’ve been there and the result was not pretty. Let’s just say what was supposed to be an origami bird ornament turned out to be more of a crumpled up piece of construction paper with a paperclip in it, and my grandma didn’t try very hard to cover up her disappointment. But, if you’ve got some hot glue, colorful coffee cleaners, and a Pintrest account, you probably know what’s up.